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Author Topic: FUNNIES!  (Read 9537 times)
acky
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« on: July 17, 2008, 01:05:49 PM »

haha
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acky
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« Reply #1 on: July 17, 2008, 01:06:30 PM »

hehe
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JD
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« Reply #2 on: July 21, 2008, 06:33:41 PM »

More!
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« Reply #3 on: July 21, 2008, 06:40:01 PM »

I love these things!
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acky
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« Reply #4 on: July 28, 2008, 04:18:47 PM »

brillant!!!
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« Reply #5 on: August 05, 2008, 09:50:00 PM »

Quotes from GI the Third

 

"Another thing - bright colored gear is like an ugly hooker - might work fine, but you are always embarrassed to be seen with them."

"Now, if we can get the abject idiots to shut the hell up, we can try
discussing decompression application from a platform of truths and realities
and not have to argue whether the earth is flat with bozos."


"Join the Inspiration Rebreather list where the atmosphere is , well, almost like a funeral, and every one is polite to everyone else - they have to be - they never know if it is somebody's last post."

"Technology and enough gear might make a pig appear to be singing, but this is no different than having a conversation with a parrot - seems like he is talking, but there is nobody home."

"What becomes inmmediately apparent is that they obviously suspect that what they are doing is too stupid to stand the light of day, like this pony bottle crap, so they hide it from us, like when you see some fat slob sitting in his care picking his nose at a traffic light. If you blow the horn, he stops, and then gets back to it as soon as the coast is clear."

"....I guess you tell them not to worry about the buddy concept, don't dive with a bunch of stages or deco bottles, don't dive in current, and carry a rabbit's foot. In fact, I think they should just take the whole leap of faith right to the Buddy Inspiration - would look real slick with the pants, the bogus drysuit, the slicknotes, the suicide argon rig, the shrink wrap and the tic tac toe deco."

"Bondage wings, air ponies, steel stages, 80/20, steel with wetsuits,
overweighting, bull**** "trimix" ( like 30% helium which does nothing) ,
consoles, multiple computers, helmets, scooter cages, cobra guards, hand
held lights, square lights, hoses everywhere, stuffed hoses, independent
doubles, "tec" bc's, etc all are nothing more than the genetic material
of stupidity"

 Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin
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« Reply #6 on: August 05, 2008, 10:04:53 PM »

Some more

 On bungee wings:

".... what you need to "ask" is for a *NON-GOOEY-DIVER*. A *NON-GOOEY-DIVER* will pay top
dollar for a clean set of bondage wings, since they are more "technical"
and appeal to the uninitiated mind. The concept that something tied up
in bungee cord has "less drag" relies solely on the fact that most
people know nothing about hydrodynamics, but they readily make the
association with anything this convoluted and "drag", as in "drag queen"
or other perversion which serves to work as an advertising gimmick on
most fat slobs and, deviates, mutants, and any farm-animal stupid goober
as a subliminal form of validation.

These bondage wings can provide you with several hundred dollars worth
of entertainment. Bill Mee and I got a rebreather once with this
monstrosity attached to it, and when we got back to the dock, we threw
the rebreather in the pool, and the wings ran away. Before we knew it,
the rebreather was engulfed in the most hilarious raft-like balloon, and
we fell about the place in laughter. Neither one of us could stop
laughing - worth whatever they cost, and then to top it off , my
brother's dog, Goober, freaked out over the wings, and atacked them.

(From Aquamaniac on Dive Oz)

I cant recall what started this one, but I think Pina (Treys girlfriend at the time)went out on a rec boat and was left to dive Solo by Karla, she then called Pina *NON-GOOEY-DIVER* for diving solo, and it was on for young and old....



"Karla, just so we can put this in its proper perspective, I think we need to
let it be known that you are a 5' 6", 300+ pound ridiculous, blubbery fat
slob, and a loud-mouthed dumb red neck who does not know anything worth
knowing about diving, but has decided that somehow you should be "tech
diving" and that somehow you should be the "expert" based on the baloney you
do with the losers you do it with.

When confronted with the reality of real tech diving, you got your size
God-knows-what panties in a wad and decided to come screaming after me,
since I am the cross to the *NON-GOOEY-DIVER* vampire and the most hated person by any
known *******s in diving world-wide, and you were being encouraged to do so
by these driveling losers who resent us so much.

There is no reason for anyone to waste time telling you anything, and I
really don't know why so many of these do-gooders keep trying to fix people
like you. A disgustingly flaccid , morbidly obese person should not be
diving. Disgusting is when some butch looking diesel-mouthed ***** has her
gut hanging down in ROLLS over her ***** ( the horror) , and ends up in a
wetsuit looking like a giant trash bag full of jello or something that one
would expect to see on the front of National Enquirer or on the Oprah
Winfrey show being cut out of a house trailer with a chain saw by the fire
department.

I think solo diving is bull****, I don't do it, and I don't want Pina doing
it. I don't like it when Pina goes out diving on recreational boats full of
idiots ( like you) , and I prefer to see her go out with our people or other
people who have some clue. You , Karla, do not have a clue, and you, Karla
think solo diving is a good idea, just like all the other ridiculous
bull**** you put on this list that you got from people who are just as
ignorant as you . Since you yourself think it is such a good idea, why do
you try to "pin" it on us? Because your petty little resentments get the
best of you. I can see how a babe like Pina would make an animal like you
seethe with hatred, and I know how my reality pisses off all idiots in
diving, but you are really wasting everyone's time with your presence here,
and you have nothing to offer anyone, except maybe a Sumo wrestler, and a
sick one at that.

I think you can see what everyone thinks of you here. It is impossible to
have a discussion with idiots like you who on here, and that is why the good
discussions all end up on Quest. Guess who provides most of that
information? Not you, and not any of your friends.

Let me give you some advice - get some mouth tape ( kill two birds with one
stone)"
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Craig
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« Reply #7 on: August 06, 2008, 04:49:04 PM »

So the CDAA list is tame after all!
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« Reply #8 on: August 06, 2008, 06:31:00 PM »

GI3 in all his glory, grammar errors and all. Great for a laugh though, but it depends if you are laughing at him or with him as to how much of a laugh it is....

JD
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PMH
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« Reply #9 on: August 06, 2008, 07:15:45 PM »

GI3 in all his glory, grammar errors and all. Great for a laugh though, but it depends if you are laughing at him or with him as to how much of a laugh it is....

JD

with him...esp the inspo list remark (and the fat redneck chik)
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JD
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« Reply #10 on: August 06, 2008, 08:06:41 PM »

As a member of the Inspo list, I find it well worth it. It is for owners only and a great medium for sharing info, tricks and problems. It is quite amazing the dives these guys get up to with no publicity, just for the sake of doing the dive. There are plenty of 'for sale' ads too Harvs!

JD
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« Reply #11 on: August 11, 2008, 06:04:55 PM »

THE 6 BEST SMART ASS ANSWERS ..........


SMART ASS ANSWER #6

It was mealtime during a flight on Alaska Airlines. 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
'What are my choices?' John asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.


SMART ASS ANSWER #5

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.'



SMART ASS ANSWER #4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'



SMART ASS ANSWER #3

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
'I've been waiting for you all day,' the cop said.
The kid replied, 'Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.



SMART ASS ANSWER #2

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, ' Low Bridge Ahead.' Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.'




SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.

'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, Or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'

The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'
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« Reply #12 on: August 17, 2008, 07:25:26 PM »

 A Kiwi was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck.
Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him.
Looking around, he realised that they were stranded on a deserted
island.

After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two
animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set.
One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful
cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.


As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to
the lonely Kiwi. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and... put his
arm around it.

But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep,growled fiercely
until the man took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets
together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another
shipwreck.


The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful
woman the man had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when he rescued her and he slowly nursed her back to health.


When the young maiden was well enough, he introduced her to their
evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening...
red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.


Pretty soon, the Kiwi started to get 'those feelings' again.
He fought the urges as long as he could, but he finally gave in
and, realising he now had the opportunity, leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear,

'Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?'
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« Reply #13 on: August 20, 2008, 08:06:07 PM »

One from the land of Mick!

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« Reply #14 on: August 21, 2008, 07:12:15 AM »

Beached in Aussie

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