|
JD
|
 |
« Reply #15 on: August 21, 2008, 07:46:59 PM » |
|
For those that don't know, I am a huge Clarkson and Top Gear fan, he is a genuinely witty bloke.
BRO: I bought a DVD player which plays DivX. No more sitting in front of the PC watching season 11! Choice!
Quotes from Jeremy Clarkson, writer and presenter of Top Gear
"I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit
like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch."
"... the last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician
stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air
saying there will be no war with Germany "
Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased
stick out of a pig's bottom"
On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car: it
begins with 's' and ends with 't' and it isn't soot
"The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an
Ethiopian transvestite"
"The air conditioning in a Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the
dashboard blowing at you through a straw."
"Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More
comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?"
"This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers.
Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying 'Ooh good I've
got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'"
"I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places
quicker than I do?"
Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars
domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on
the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be
an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."
" Britain 's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe...probably
because they don't have wheel-chair access."
On Mandela's claim that Cuba is a good advert for democracy: "Well Mr
Mandela why don't you go and ask one of the 12 year old Cuban
prostitutes which way her parents voted?"
"Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough
affordable cars on the show......so we'll kick off tonight with the
cheapest Ferrari of them all!"
On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air
force crashing into a firework factory."
"Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being
well-behaved...for a murderer."
"I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty
to be on my plate at supper time."
"There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of
stitching... on their face."
"Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if
you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do,
and it helps."
"You cannot have this car with a diesel. Its like saying, I won't go to
Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lapdance, she's a
woman!"
"Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a
sportscar... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the
equivalent of a President."
On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive
gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with
gingivitis."
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Drilling holes is just boring.....
|
|
|
|
leaky
|
|
« Reply #16 on: August 23, 2008, 07:55:57 PM » |
|
Ahhh Pepper! Love the smell of the home country!
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Craig
|
|
« Reply #17 on: August 27, 2008, 01:31:25 PM » |
|
Motivational Posters
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
If you're gunna do it right stop crapping on & bloody-well get on with it
|
|
|
|
JD
|
|
« Reply #18 on: November 29, 2008, 02:22:24 PM » |
|
The wisdom of Larry the cable guy......
1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap
9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the hell happened?'
22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Drilling holes is just boring.....
|
|
|
|
JD
|
|
« Reply #19 on: November 29, 2008, 02:23:21 PM » |
|
Paddy & Mick go to London to donate sperm. It was a disaster! Paddy missed the tube & Mick came on the bus!!
A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy ordered a whiskey. The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.
He replied in disgust 'I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!'
Paddy handed his drink back & said 'Me too, I didnt know we had a choice!'
Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asks 'How many people are flying with you?'
Paddy replies 'I don’t know! Its your f***ing plane!!'
Paddy & Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy 'Im gonna have the day off, I’m gonna pretend I’m mad!'
He climbs up the rafters , hangs upside down & shouts 'I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!' Murphy watches in amazement!
The Foreman shouts 'Paddy you're mad, go home' So he leaves the site.
Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.
'Where the hell are you going?' asks the Foreman.
'I can’t work in the friggin dark! ' says Murphy.
Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours of amazing sex Paddy says 'I wonder how the girls are getting on'
Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses & lies on the bed spread-eagled & says 'You know what I want don’t you?'
'Yeah,' says Paddy. 'The whole friggin bed by the looks of it!'
Q. What’s a Catholic priest & a pint of Guinness got in common?
A. black coat, white collar & you've got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one!
Paddy the electrician got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair. He said in his professional
opinion it was a death trap!
Paddy, the Irish boyfriend of the woman whos head was found on Arbroath beach was asked to identify her. A detective held up the head
to which point Paddy said 'I don’t think that’s her, she wasn’t that tall!'
Paddy & his wife are lying in bed & the neighbours dog is barking like mad in the garden. Paddy says 'To hell with this!' & storms off.
He comes back upstairs 5 mins later & his wife asks 'What did you do?'
Paddy replies 'I’ve put the dog in our garden, lets see how they like it!'
An Irishman is shagging a Jewish girl & says 'You're not very tight for a Jew!' She says 'Well you're not very thick for a Paddy!'
Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue. 'Be Jeysus!' he said, 'I didnt even know they had mobile phones!'
Mick & Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery. Mick say 'Crikey! There’s a bloke here who was 152!'
Paddy says 'Whats his name?'
Mick replies 'Miles from London!
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Drilling holes is just boring.....
|
|
|
|
JD
|
|
« Reply #20 on: February 11, 2009, 05:46:59 PM » |
|
More Inspirational posters....
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Drilling holes is just boring.....
|
|
|
|
Craig
|
|
« Reply #21 on: February 12, 2009, 10:07:24 AM » |
|
Saw this on a Vic reg car on South Tce here this morning.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
If you're gunna do it right stop crapping on & bloody-well get on with it
|
|
|
|
Ian T
Guest
|
|
« Reply #22 on: February 13, 2009, 06:49:19 AM » |
|
May as well just say " I have a short cropped hair cut, nose ring, huge a55, hairy underarms, wear blue singlets, with cut out cargo pants or shorts." People could figure that out from there.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Ian T
Guest
|
|
« Reply #24 on: April 05, 2009, 07:06:16 AM » |
|
Cool indeed. What is interesting about the Blue Angels is that they dont fly breathing oxygen, as most fast jets are required to do. There have been suggestions that the most recent blue angels accident may have been contributed to high G black out. Breathing O2 helps increase tolerance to High G.
Interesting video, though I was at Avalon two weeks back, and the Super Hornet F/A-18F display was amazing. From take off, into a 50 degree climb, and 45 deg bank, at full AB. Into some awesome immelman turns and quarter rolls. A massive Power / Weight ratio, and impressive display.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Craig
|
|
« Reply #25 on: May 01, 2009, 10:24:18 AM » |
|
Topical at the moment
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
If you're gunna do it right stop crapping on & bloody-well get on with it
|
|
|
|
JD
|
|
« Reply #26 on: May 02, 2011, 09:18:31 PM » |
|
Bin a while, but this is worthy of restarting a topic!
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Drilling holes is just boring.....
|
|
|
|
JD
|
|
« Reply #27 on: May 02, 2011, 09:19:58 PM » |
|
The last one is just because, well........ she is sorta hot.
And she has a boob out.
The first one cracked me up though. Very funny indeed!
JD
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Drilling holes is just boring.....
|
|
|
|
ph
|
|
« Reply #28 on: May 03, 2011, 08:56:12 AM » |
|
The last one is just because, well........ she is sorta hot.
And she has a boob out.
The first one cracked me up though. Very funny indeed!
JD
not getting much these days??? |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
